Union Amongst Three, Plathau svi'rehek
by Lhflu
Summary: Story 3 of 3. Sequel to Dahsaya vi'rehek. McCoy is faced with the strangest decision of his life: Marry both Jim and Spock, or risk losing them both. Slash, K/S/Mc.
1. Chapter 1

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After 35 years of existence, I have found that there is one constant in the universe: life isn't fair.

No matter what species you are, you learn this lesson somewhere along the way. Some beings learn it when they come into the universe, some learn it at their deaths. But eventually, the rule catches up with everybody. It's unavoidable.

My best friend Jim ran into it the day he was born.

His father died so that my friend could live. Doing so was a noble sacrifice, one worthy of the praise given to his memory. But it came with a price. Because of his father's choice, Jim had to spend the next 22 years putting up with an asshole of a step-father.

My new friend Spock learned it when he first went to school.

From what I've heard, his mother was a graceful and dignified person, a princess who spent her early years living among commoners. Then she married her Vulcan and gave birth to her heir.

Rather than being treated as the prince that he was, a son of a Vulcan diplomat and a beautiful human, Spock was berated for being half of one species and half of another. Those little bastards at his first school would have treated a full-blooded human with more dignity than they did a being who was most definitely one of them, simply because he had the blood of two worlds.

I thought I confronted that lesson when I went through my divorce.

It had been hell. Jocelyn and I fought every step of the way. Because of our constant picking at each other, our daughter Joanna became depressed and needed psychiatric help.

At times, I had felt like I wasn't far behind.

All because I had tried to balance my life and my career, but found my patients more in need of me than my family...or so it seemed to me at the time.

But that was nothing to what I was going through now.

Right now, I was trapped in my own mind because my best friend was in love with me and wanted me to be in a relationship with him and his husband. Of course, learning my lesson from my first serious go at romance, I said no. So he pushed me, and I panicked, even though he tried to convince me gently.

The irony was that I was in love with him too.

Like I said, life is definitely not fair.

But I guess things could have been worse. At least my panic didn't cause me to fall apart, as my divorce had.

When I realized that I was safe, I took a look around me. To deal with my emotions, my mind had created a haven...my uncle's farm in Georgia. It was a good reproduction. I could feel the wind in my face and the blades of grass against my ankles as I walked through the 'field'. I could be happy here...until I became bored.

I figured the setting was my mind's way of saying, 'Get comfortable. You're going to be staying for a while.'

So I settled into the grass and took off my boots. Then I looked up and realized that my mind wasn't putting me at ease. It was fucking with me.

There, against the backdrop of the moon, was a familiar twinkling light. The one I had observed in this spot a couple of years earlier. It was a Vulcan ship, the fucking Vulcan ship that got me off this godforsaken planet and into space.

When I saw it this time, I found myself scowling up at it. I didn't want to remember my decision, right now it felt like the wrong one. Because I went into space, because I saw that ship, I was now in the predicament of having to lie to one friend or lose the comfort level I had with the other.

Within seconds, I found myself playing my favorite game to relieve stress: blame the Vulcan. Hell, I wouldn't put it past Spock to have been part of all this from the beginning. I bet that pointy-eared hobgoblin had been on the damned ship.

But he wasn't now.

I knew this because a few minutes later (Well okay, I know it's impossible to tell time inside your own head. But it *felt* like a few minutes.), I heard a voice echo through the air around me. It was a deep, precise *logical* voice.

Well, damn. I didn't even get a break from His Vulcanness in my own mind. I should have been seriously annoyed, but strangely, I didn't mind.

Because I knew why he was here. He was the only one who could find me in this place I had created. He was the only one who could invade my mind.

But this invasion was a selfless act on his part. He did it to help me, because I needed him.

I knew I couldn't get out of here by myself. So, fighting my instinctive resistance at the invasion of my privacy, I called to him.

I was surprised by how glad I was to see him when he walked into my little paradise. But of course, I didn't show it. It would have violated that strange trust we had in each other--to be friends grudgingly, to accept each other by appearing to not accept.

But the equation had changed. With Jim demanding so much of us, we needed to cooperate, to find some way of resolving Jim's needs and still keep our own integrity. So when he came over to check on me, I told him the story of seeing that Vulcan ship against the moon for the first time.

Despite my earlier thoughts, I found myself intrigued when he told me he had been on it. My luck had been so bad at that point in my life that I was so sure that the ship had started a war instead of being the first marker in the chain of events that got us all together.

That revelation came with its own anxieties. I didn't want to think about the implications of Spock and I being the first to 'meet', even if we were a whole sky away from each other at the time. I didn't want to think that there was some evidence for the ludicrous idea Jim was waving around, even if it was circumstantial.

So I brought up that other, older Spock. He never had the problem we were facing. I took this as a good sign. Maybe it was our fate to fight this.

I was relieved when Spock seemed to agree. In fact, he he tried to give me a solution for the difficulty I found myself in. He offered me a compromise. If I stayed connected to Jim, Spock would help me shield myself.

It sounded like a reasonable way around the problems facing us. So I agreed.

But when we made these plans, we forgot one thing. This agreement needed to be approved by three parties. And when we left that place in my mind, we found out the third party had no intention of agreeing.

All because of a stupid vow.

Stupid kid, he was going to get someone hurt again. Hell, I thought he had learned his lesson last time.

There are just some people who need some kind of sexual release on a fairly regular basis to keep their systems in good shape. Jim is one of these people. Without that release, he's a total wreck. He becomes overly aggressive, irresponsible and a damned pain in the ass.

So Spock and I both cringed when he said he would continue to go without it until we gave him what he wanted.

I was ready to shoot him with a phaser for that little stunt. Unlike his husband, who just looked at him with an expression made of ice, I didn't hesitate in telling him so.

"You selfish little prick," I said as I glared at him in my anger. "That is not how you treat the ones you love!"

"What would you suggest, *Doctor*?" Jim growled back at me. His sharp, accusing gaze said that he blamed me for this whole situation.

Right now, I didn't care what he thought. "First, remember that you aren't a god!" I growled right back. "And second, listen to what I'm saying. I don't want to join with you. Why can't you respect my wishes?!"

"Because I love you," Jim whispered as he covered his face with his arm.

I sighed. "I know. But this isn't the way for you to convince me to be part of your marriage."

"Then what is?" Jim lifted his arm enough to look at me with a sad expression.

I shook my head. "You don't need me. You're married to Spock."

"Yeah, but it's a Vulcan marriage. There's nothing in their culture that says I can't be married to you, too. In fact, it's considered a good thing. Three is more balanced than two." From his tone of voice, I could tell he was repeating Spock's words. I knew that in the vast majority of cases, Spock didn't lie to us. It was a point of honor with him.

But not even that new fact would convince me to join them. The risks to them and to myself were too great.

So I shoved my winning card in his face. "That might work if everyone loved everyone else."

"What, you don't love me?" Jim pouted. I knew he was trying to make fun of himself, but his words scared me. Because I had to reply and I was sure he'd know if I was lying. He was bonded to me, after all.

That was when Spock chose to speak up. I could have kissed ol' devil ears for that. Well, maybe not, as that would have further confused the situation. So I settled for a small nod as he said, "His affection for you is not at issue. This concerns the feelings between him and me."

"Which are?" Jim was getting mad again.

I shrugged. "We're not enemies. But we're also definitely not in love with each other."

Spock inclined his head in agreement. But somewhere in my mind, I got the strange feeling his agreement wasn't completely sincere. Or it could have been just my imagination.

'Damn, I'm getting paranoid,' I thought as I watched Jim's expression harden. Instinctively, I shivered. When Jim looked like that, usually someone got hurt. And since there was only the three of us here...

"You were the one who said I should go after him!" Jim turned to Spock and, without warning, shoved him. It was so sudden that even Spock didn't have time to defend himself. "If you didn't want him, why did you tell me to get him?!"

"Because you did," Spock replied softly. I watched in wonder as he gently grabbed Jim's wrist so he couldn't shove at the Vulcan again. The tenderness in Spock's eyes, even in the face of Jim's rage, was so overwhelming that it made *me* want to melt.

But Jim wasn't done ranting. "How could you let me hope if you didn't feel anything for him? How could you convince me that this was what I needed then dash any chance of getting it?!"

That was when I remembered that Jim had told me that it was Spock who asked him to pursue me. Even though my friend loved me, he must have had reservations about a romantic relationship with me working out. Maybe he wasn't being as ridiculous as I thought he was.

Before I could ask Jim about it, Spock bowed his head. "I was wrong to do so. I should have considered all possible outcomes before deciding on a course of action."

The poor guy, he bent so low in front of Jim that he looked like he was waiting for his husband to beat him.

At that point, I had to speak up. Spock was apologizing for a very human reaction. "You just wanted Jim to be happy. You thought having me with you would make him happy. I don't think you should be punished for that."

"I wasn't going to--" Jim started, then realized the position Spock was in. "No. No. Look, we need to talk about this. Please get up, Love."

He waited for Spock to stand up straight before adding, "I still want to keep my vow. It'll give me a chance to think about all this." He held up his hand as Spock began to protest. "You can chain me to the bed when I start getting irrational. But until then, let me do this."

I supposed that concession was the best we were going to get from him for now. So when Spock glanced my way, I nodded, then went to clean some instruments to give them at least the illusion of privacy.

But after a few minutes of whispering between them, I found Jim at my back. "Hey..."

I turned silently, not sure how to react to him at the moment. This whole situation was a rollercoaster ride, and my emotions were a bit...overreactive. So I took a page from Spock's book and did my best to clamp down on them.

Jim didn't seem to find that unusual, because he continued without waiting for me to respond. "I'm sorry for all this," he said, waving his hand vaguely. "I didn't mean to upset you or force you into something you didn't want."

Spock, too, came over to me and offered his version of an apology. "It was not my intention to harm you. I regret that my actions caused you pain."

Then Jim grabbed me in a hug. I think he needed some reassurance that we were still friends. I know I did, because I fell into his embrace without even a whimper.

As I did, I found myself meeting eyes with Spock over Jim's shoulder. And suddenly--suddenly I realized what Jim wanted when he asked me to join them. I felt as if we were all connected, all a part of each other, just for a second. Then I broke eye contact with Spock, and that second was over.

I pulled back, rather shaken. Then I saw Jim and Spock gather themselves, as if they too felt something momentous. I hadn't noticed their reaction while I was in Jim's arms. But by the look of them now, they must have felt something.

As much as I wanted to know what just happened, I couldn't deal with it in the state that I was in. So, I let them leave, hand in hand, happy--relatively--once again.

There was just one problem.

Now I had the sudden urge to be with them--in ways that would have made my Mama blush.

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end part 1


	2. Chapter 2

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No, I didn't run after the happy couple and demand to jump into bed with them. I don't need a manual to tell the difference between sexual attraction and love. What I felt was lust, pure and simple.

I knew it wouldn't do me any good to act on it. In fact, it would probably make the whole situation worse.

I've felt lust plenty of times before. Before my marriage, I'd pursue the object of that feeling, and usually s atisfy it without too much thought. After my divorce, well, it wasn't worth the trouble, even with Jim nagging me about it. It would mean explaining that no, I didn't want a relationship, and no, I wouldn't be back for a second visit.

I didn't need that kind of complication. But I had a pretty good relationship with my hand, so my physical needs weren't neglected.

As for my emotional needs, a lot of them had been taken care of by Jim. He had been a good friend during our time at the Academy, truly caring about me and my opinions about the universe. When he was around, I felt wanted--something Jocelyn never seemed to be able to give me.

I expected that to die out once he got married. Hell, I wasn't his main distraction anymore. But because of that development in his bond with Spock, it didn't. His need should have been flattering, at the very least, but all it did was scare the hell out of me. I was afraid it was only the result of some kind of kinky wish in Jim's head. I figured the minute he couldn't get what he wanted, Jim would leave me in the dust.

Boy, was I wrong.

In fact, because I backed away from him when he started spouting ideas of a three-way marriage, he took to 'spoon feeding' me friendship by showing up in places where I couldn't avoid him and starting a running monologue about what I meant to him. And he got the green-blooded one into the act.

Now guys aren't overly mushy, but with Jim on the one hand telling me how much he needed me, and Spock on the other, basically accepting me as I was (which went against everything our relationship had been created on), I understood why even good emotions could make a woman cry.

I didn't break down. I don't have the hormones or the disposition for that. But I did find myself wishing that things could be different.

I was sure it couldn't be.

That belief and all the attention Jim and Spock were giving me had me in a whirlwind. So I continued to avoid both of them until I ended up trapped in my own head. It's obvious how much good that did me. I was more confused than I had been before my little trip inside myself.

But I could no longer just escape. I had to do something. This new development demanded it.

I knew better than to avoid the attraction I felt, even though I couldn't treat it by going to its sources. So I commed Greg M'Benga and told him to come to sickbay because I was taking the rest of the day off. Then I headed to my quarters.

Once I got there, I quickly stripped off my uniform and fell straight into my bed.

I knew what I had to do. Some time alone with my hand was definitely the cure for all this confusion.

So I laid on my bed and thought of Jim's body. It had been a favorite pasttime of mine for the last couple of years.

But as I touched myself, I found that the image of his body didn't make me tremble as it usually did. In fact, now I needed to imagine his bright blue eyes, and a small smile on his sensuous mouth. The smile he usually reserves for Spock.

As for Spock...in my imagination, he was at Jim's side, but reaching toward me. His eyes were black, the intense orbs of curiosity that I have seen so often as he bent over the science station. But now, they also held the same gentleness that I saw when I watched him restrain Jim a half-hour ago. But this time that gentleness was directed at me. He wanted to touch and explore, to know and comfort *me*.

At that point, I came so hard that I nearly fell off the bed.

As soon as I recovered my breath and my sanity, I started scouring my brain for an explanation of what just happened. I had never thought of Spock that way. Jim, yes. The hobgoblin? Hell no.

I had to be losing my mind. I had never lusted after Spock before. He would never lust after me. But it had felt so real.

I stood up and started pacing, still mostly naked. To dress would have been wrong at that point. I needed to be open to this and to my feelings, if I was ever going to figure out what to do about it. Sometimes staring at your own aging body in the mirror makes that a little easier.

But those feelings were starting to scare me again. I could feel my perceptions about my two best friends change as I walked around my cabin. I felt my whole being reaching for them. Not physically, probably not even psychically, but trapped inside me, my soul was straining towards them.

Okay, it was time for honesty. What I felt for them still wasn't love by my definition. But what I felt was a lot closer to that sacred emotion than what I thought I felt when I had been talking to Spock in my head.

I cared for them, both of them, very much. I wanted to be near them. I was attracted to them. But I still didn't want to be married to them.

I hadn't felt this close to them a few days ago. What the hell had changed?

Imagining their faces as I had during my 'cure', I realized those looks I had put on their faces HAD been directed toward me before. They had used them as they had tried to persuade me to be part of their relationship.

They had both looked at me longingly. Spock's looks had been short and discreet, but they had definitely been there. Jim's...well, everyone knows when Jim is in lust. Maybe that's why he confined his pursuit of me to sickbay. Acting like a love-sick puppy on the bridge might have caused a mutiny.

I, of course, had ignored those two sets of come-hither eyes. Mostly.

I had looked away each time I saw those strange longings overtake them, but now as I thought about them, I could recall how they looked perfectly. Jim had looked sad as well as longing, as if my refusal hurt him in some way. Spock had appeared cautious, as if afraid to reveal a vulnerability to me.

I imagined their expressions a little longer, trying to figure everything out. Then something clicked. When we talking inside my head, Spock had said he didn't feel love for me. But by the expression he directed at me in sickbay, he obviously felt lust. And I had a gut feeling that he was lying about the love part.

*That* was definitely different from what he felt for me before he married Jim.

Fascinating, as the green-blooded computer would say.

But where did that leave me?

Confused as hell and longing for something that, in all fairness, I couldn't ask them for. Sex was not a good enough reason to get entangled in a messy relationship. In fact, without love for both of them, it was the worst reason. Jim's escapades, and the fallout that usually occurred afterwards, proved that to me.

But even if I wanted to attempt a relationship, there were still major problems that would make the whole thing impossible. The biggest one being where we came from.

Three Vulcans may create a more stable bond than two, but what about two humans and a Vulcan? Humans are good at screwing up just about everything. We'd create more headaches for Spock than anything else, I was sure of it.

I paced and thought about the whole debacle some more, but I wasn't able to break the stalemate of wanting them in my bed and knowing it wasn't right of me to ask for it.

So once I wore myself out, I just let my thoughts go and went to sleep.

The next morning I took to avoiding my two friends again, instead spending the entire day in sickbay seeing to my patients and filing paperwork. I needed more time to think. I needed to figure out how to hide these feelings from them. That was a damned near impossible task, given that I was bonded to one of them, and at the moment, I had no shields.

So, of course, they knew at least some of what was going on inside my head. It must have bothered them, because they didn't even give me a day of peace before Spock chased after me.

"You are troubled, Leonard. Has our compromise not eased your worrying?" His tone was soft as he entered sickbay and headed straight for where I was sitting in my office. Luckily, it was Nurse Chapel's dinner hour, so I wouldn't have to worry about her curious looks through my office window.

Because I knew I couldn't avoid this conversation. But that doesn't mean I didn't try.

"It would if you actually taught me to shield so that the two of you couldn't read my mind!" I snapped angrily, trying to push him away mentally. But because of the lack of a direct connection between me and Spock, by pushing at him, I could feel that I was causing Jim pain. So I stopped immediately. Jim was on the bridge at the moment. I didn't want to cause a catastrophe by throwing a mental temper tantrum.

"I was planning to do so when our free time coincided." Spock stood in the doorway of my office and helds his hands out to me in a gesture of pleading. As he did, I could feel a shield go up between Jim and me. Spock was giving me some privacy. I stared at him, trying to figure out why. He just made completing whatever goal he had more difficult, because shielding me from Jim also shielded me from himself.

But, as stubborn as ever, the bastard just continued seeking answers in a more traditional manner. "But you chose to avoid us. Why?"

"I just needed time alone." I lied. "All of this has worn me out."

"Jim believes you are distraught." Spock watched me carefully, looking as worried about me as he ever has about his husband. "He would have come to see you, but I convinced him that I was the more logical choice."

"Why are you more logical?" I leaned back in my chair, trying to look casual.

Spock raised an eyebrow. I could tell he wasn't fooled by my act, but he let it pass for the moment. "You already hate me, Leonard. There would be no loss of friendship if you were to throw me out for trying to discover your ills."

I snorted, realizing that Spock was trying to put me at ease. And it worked, somewhat. In return, I got one of those non-smiles he often gave Jim. Strangely, that look worked even better. I didn't think anything Spock did could knock me off my guard, especially since we were always metaphorically stabbing each other in the back. But that sign of joy gentled me like a soft pat on a skittish colt.

Even odder, it made me want to stop fighting--him, Jim....and myself. They needed to know what was going on with me. Keeping the knowledge to myself would probably just make me miserable, anyway. "Ah, hell. It probably is better to tell you. At least I know you won't get mad at me, or try to tackle me to the floor," I sighed. Even though I knew he was willing to listen, I hesitated. Part of me was still scared of the feelings.

Spock examined my face carefully as I waited for him to react. What he saw must have worried him, because he coaxed me into telling. "If it concerns us, I cannot promise a completely objective opinion, but I can promise honesty."

I wondered how much guts it took him to admit that. I was pretty sure it was against Surak's code for a Vulcan to admit to being anything but icily neutral. But then again, he was married to one of the most polarizing people I knew.

So I let myself get sidetracked into a comment about our mutually favorite subject. "When Jim's involved, nobody can be objective. Don't let it bother you. He bats his eyelashes and half the universe comes running to do his bidding. Then the other half wants to kill him."

Spock shook his head as he realized I didn't really want to talk about what was bothering me. But the bastard had an ace up his sleeve that made my evasions moot. "I do not believe you wish to speak of Jim. Your tone suggests that what you wish to say concerns you and myself more than it does him. So I must inform you that he is not the only one who has usurped my objectivity."

Now *that* had me staring at him in shock.

As I tried to get over the bomb he dropped, the Vulcan took the opportunity to step further into my office, and close and lock the door. "Now how may I help you, my friend?"

His familiar tone threw me off even further. It was breaking the rules of the game we usually played. Where was his animosity? Or at least neutrality? I didn't know how to handle Spock when he was being friendly. Usually I was an observer of his charm, not the recipient.

So it took me a few minutes before I could gather myself enough to say, "I--I'm attracted to you."

That damned eyebrow of his shot straight up. "And this troubles you?" Strangely, his incredulity eased my fears. Now we were on more familiar ground.

So I reacted as if this were any 'normal' conversation between us. I told him the truth, but twisted it so it sounded like I was accusing him of causing it. "Damn right it does!" I nearly yelled. "It complicates everything! How the hell am I supposed to stay out of your heads if I want what you have?"

But he didn't take the bait. His tone was soft and actually cajoling as he said, "Perhaps you should reevaluate your emotions concerning myself, as you have your physical reactions."

Then Spock came at me with one more shocker. He leaned over my desk and kissed me.

Dear God, that kiss was hot. Literally. That damned Vulcan body heat of his scorched my tongue as we reached to trace the insides of the other's mouth.

It was also the most arousing thing I've felt in years. His lips caressed mine gently. His tongue whispered to me of further delights.

Hell, he had me moaning in five seconds flat. Then he heated me even further. He licked and stroked my mouth until I felt like I was about to melt into my chair. I wanted, no, I *needed* more.

But in the back of my mind, something felt wrong. I didn't know what it was or why, but the feeling was so strong that it practically had a life of its own.

So, with the last remaining thread of common sense I had, I yanked myself away from him. Gasping for air, I murmured, "We can't do this."

Spock was silent, eerily so. So, when I finally gained of my composure back, I looked up at him to make sure he was okay. I found him with a severely puzzled look on his face. It made his dark features look oddly menacing.

Even though we occasionally threatened each other in our bantering, I knew he would never hurt me, so I waited for him to sort out whatever was on his mind.

What he said confused me even more. "You are correct. If we were to continue, we would undo the bond's cohesion. I must find out the reason why." With that, he spun on his heel and marched out of my office...

Leaving me staring after him.

Once I could think straight, I found myself shaking my head at this latest predicament.

Had I heard him right? If so, their plan was just blown to hell.

There was no way I could save their bond by marrying them if kissing Spock was enough to destroy it!

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end part 2


	3. Chapter 3

Given the circumstances, this time I *did* chase after Spock. I couldn't be an observer of their problems anymore. The whole situation was getting out of hand and they needed a solution *now*.

They had to have something to stabilize that damned bond of theirs. If that something had to be me, then so be it. Maybe the bond would settle down after I slept with them. Hell, Jim always felt better after sex, so that was probably the most I'd have to do.

It was easy to convince myself that one night of sex was not breaking my vow, especially since, in my imagination, I saw them being less than satisfied with what they got. So I soon was in pursuit of Spock, who was heading straight for their quarters.

Although he never turned toward me until he got to their door, he didn't look surprised to see me. He simply stood aside so I could walk into their living room. "Jim is finishing his report on the negotiations with the Reffertini. He should be here momentarily. May I offer you a drink?"

I blinked in surprise. The genteelness was so unlike him that I reacted, well, badly. "This isn't a social visit, you idiot! I'm worried about the two of you! The way you stormed out of sickbay...I was afraid I had hurt you."

Spock nodded and sat down at one of the desks in the corner of the room. "We are also concerned about your well-being, as we could also injure you unintentionally. The bond is demanding your presence in a way I do not understand, and our attempts to satisify it have caused you distress. This is most disturbing and our ignorance of the reason why is dangerous."

Agreeing with him, I sighed and flopped down on their couch. It was also rather disturbing to see the worry and exasperation in Spock's eyes. So, true to my nature, I attempted to ease him by making him angry. "This is impossible. Leave it to you two to have the strangest connection in all of history."

But Spock, like his husband, wouldn't give me the satisfaction of getting under his skin, not when he had a problem to solve. "We can and will discover the reason for its inconsistencies. It will simply take time."

"What will take time?" a voice asked from behind me.

Spock and I both turned to see Jim walking through the door and taking in the sight of Spock and I talking in their shared space as if I was meant to be a part of it. My heart skipped a beat when he smiled gently. Hell, if he reacted that way every time he saw me, well, I might just be convinced to drop my vow.

But in the next second, out of the corner of my eye, I caught Spock's non-smile to his husband. That small gesture caused a small flare of jealousy in me and I ended up scowling in Jim's direction without meeting his eyes.

Then again, keeping my vow was the right thing to do. Humans aren't made for three-way relationships. We tend to want our lover's attention completely focused on us.

Jim frowned when he saw my expression. But he didn't say anything about it. He just came over to stand by me, as if to protect me (or to keep me from running away), and turned to Spock.

"What needs time?" he repeated curiously.

"Another problem has developed in the bond," Spock replied with a coldness that was disturbing. That is, until I looked at his face and realized he was trying to hide his frustration.

Of course, Jim didn't bother trying to hide his feelings. His eyes turned bleak at the news. "Damnit, now what?"

"He can't kiss me without the bond breaking," I said quietly.

Jim looked from Spock to me and back again before flopping in the chair across from the couch I was on. Instead of the frown I expected, my friend had a small grin on his face. "Spock kissed you and I missed it? How could you?!" he exclaimed in a mock-whine.

"Jim! This is serious!" I hissed at him. I hated when he acted immature during a serious conversation. I knew he was trying to cope with the stress, but it pissed me off. When he fooled around, it was hard to get him to listen.

But Jim had grown a lot in the last year. His smile died quickly when he saw my serious face, and he sighed. "I know. But for one minute, let me look at the bright side. What was it like? Did he make you weak in the knees?" He grinned laviciously.

I rolled my eyes at him, tolerating the teasing for the moment. Hell, we all needed a moment to breathe here. "You kiss him everyday."

"You're right. I guess I need to take a different approach." With a wink, Jim turned to Spock. "So what was it like?"

My jaw dropped when Spock responded in kind instead of scolding him like I did.

"Quite satisfactory," the Vulcan replied seriously. "His technique is very arousing."

"High praise from my husband," Jim said as he turned back to me. "I wasn't sure even I could live up to his expectations."

I snorted. Now Jim was being ridiculous. The three of us knew Jim had me beat hands down when it came to sex or its preliminaries.

Even though I wanted to smack him for it, I think he accomplished his goal with that little stunt. I was no longer angry and we were all a little calmer when Spock revealed the problem to Jim. "As adequate as his response was, the bond began objecting to the action. It began to tear at both connections. Therefore, it was necessary to cease."

Jim groaned, voicing the frustration we were all feeling. Then he narrowed his eyes as the wheels inside his head started turning. "You didn't pressure him, did you?"

Spock shook his head. "Leonard revealed that he found me physically attractive."

"Well, you are," Jim said softly. "It's about time he noticed."

Spock inclined his head in acknowledgement of his husband's compliment. "I kissed him to allow him a chance to explore this new development further."

Suddenly, Spock's earlier actions didn't look right to me. They seemed too...calculated. "You wanted to bowl me over, you mean. You want me in your bed, so you tried to seduce me."

Okay, so I forgot for a moment that I was talking to a Vulcan. Everything they do looks calculated.

As I mentally smacked myself for drawing such a dumb conclusion, Spock shook his head. "We want you to be part of us. Sex is a miniscule part of what we wish to share with you. I apologize for suggesting to Jim earlier that it would be the best way to convince you to join us. I was wrong."

He held out his hands again, trying to tell me of his sincerity as he continued, "I was simply attempting to ascertain your willingness to accept this attraction and explore the possibilities it allows."

"What else was he supposed to do? You tend to back away unless someone makes a real effort to convince you you're wanted," Jim sighed as he watched me frown at that statement, then turned back to Spock. "So why is the bond fighting us?"

"I do not know. I have found no instances of similar difficulties in the Starfleet databases as of yet."

"Your people don't like to talk about this stuff to others. Do you really think Starfleet would have any information on it?" I asked.

Spock nodded. "A core archive transfer between the VSA and Starbase 3 was initiated before Vulcan was destroyed. One one-thousandth of the archive arrived at the Starbase."

"In other words, Starfleet has enough of the VSA's archive that it was worth a shot," Jim sighed and shook his head. "I want to try something, Spock." He stood up and stretched, eyeing me in a way I couldn't decipher. "Keep an eye on the bond, okay?"

Spock closed his eyes to better see within. Then Jim came over to me. It took all of my effort to not back away from the intense look in his eyes. I knew what he was about to do, and it scared me. But we had to try it.

So, with me trembling in front of him, Jim leaned down and kissed me. As far as kisses go, it was a Kirk special, with all the technique he could muster.

But despite the pleasure it gave me, it felt wrong. The bond apparently didn't find kissing Jim as wrong as kissing Spock, but it was wrong enough that I pushed him away. "Stop it."

At my resistance, Jim automatically straightened up and shook his head. "That was...weird."

"No, kidding," I grumbled. This was getting ridiculous.

We needed answers, so we turned to Spock, who opened his eyes and gazed at us thoughtfully. "The bond was again beginning to tear."

"I don't get it," I said, exasperated by the stubbornness of the link in our heads. "Doesn't it 'need' me to be with you?"

"Perhaps it needs for you to initiate any intimacy," Spock replied, puzzled by all of this.

"Yeah, if you start it, maybe it'll be better. We don't want to force you into anything," Jim agreed.

"You should have thought of that before you started stalking me," I shot back, taking my frustration out on him. But looking at them, I knew this was too much for them to handle. So I stopped my argument before it really got started.

Knowing they were done trying to convince me, I straighted my shoulders with a sigh, and put on my best med-neutral face. "Okay, I'll do it."

Again, I watched Spock close his eyes to see the bond better. Then I turned to Jim and brought his lips to mine. This time the warning overpowered any pleasure I was getting from being this close to one of the beings I loved.

One of the beings?

I pulled back and opened my eyes and looked straight over at Spock, whose eyes were still closed.

Yeah, I admitted it. One of the beings. I had been hiding the truth from myself. I loved the goddamn Vulcan. I don't know when my heart had betrayed my common sense, but this feeling didn't just show up two minutes ago.

With that revelation, the bond's problem became clear to me.

"Spock, get the hell over here," I barked, trying to keep the same demeanor that I always had with him. But even without looking in a mirror, I knew the expression on my face negated every insult I had ever thrown at him.

They were all lies anyway. I had had no real conception as to why I used them. But now, that too, was pretty obvious.

I had been covering the truth. I hadn't been ready to handle it until now.

When I first met Spock, he seemed to me to have two settings, frigid and raging.

But within months of meeting him, I started seeing those subtle hints Jim had alluded to about Spock being happy, sad, bored, whatever. Soon, I began to forget that before I had only seen the same cold expression every time I looked at him.

Then I began to notice the hints of emotion Spock directed at me. At first, it was only annoyance, which irritated me. But after awhile, I realized even Jim could piss him off with an emotional outburst. His Vulcan training made him uncomfortable even when he watched someone else give in to extreme emotions. To be fair to Spock, I admitted that I tended to have a lot of them.

But the rest of the time, he actually seemed content to be around me. We worked well together, and we both knew what the other could do to support Jim. So we often tag-teamed him.

But it took a little while until I realized it was more that just work that drew us together. When we were 'fighting', there was pleasure on his face. The green-blooded idiot was having fun exchanging insults with me.

About the time I noticed that was when my insults started to get worse, more stinging. To the point that Spock started to back off.

I wasn't anything he did. I was getting defensive. It wasn't only because I loved Jim and Spock was marrying him. Hell, I've dealt with Jim being in someone else's arms practically since the day we met. But now I was starting to find that I *liked* my competition.

That disturbed me to the point that I didn't talk to Spock for a few weeks, other than in an official capacity.

I know he noticed, because although he didn't seek me out, when we did speak, he seemed cautious, almost gentle with me. I knew now that he thought he did something wrong and didn't want to make matters worse.

But in the couple days leading up to being trapped in my own head, he went even further than just being cautious. He was kind, considerate, *loving* towards me. I didn't notice it until now though, because his actions were subtle.

Vulcan love is a kind word here, a small touch there. If you're not looking for it, it can pass right over your head.

My relationship with him didn't help me recognize the signs. With all the insults we pass back and forth, it was easy to believe we hate each other. Which, in turn, made me want to dismiss his every kindness as a way to annoy me.

But as I watched him come over to us now, I remembered a thought that had been nagging at me. I knew now that my gut had been telling me the truth. When he was in my head, he had most definitely lied to me about not loving me. He did it *because* he loved me.

He knew that was what I wanted to hear. He knew I hadn't been ready to face the truth at the time.

I was a fool. How could I have missed that he was in love with me?

It was probably due to my preoccupation with the weird thoughts I hid from him as he had subtly tried to convince me to be part of his and Jim's lives. I had my hands full pushing away the part of my mind that told me to take them up on their offer, that I'd be better off with them than I had ever been with Jocelyn.

That voice was bad enough. So let's not even talk about the voice that told me how much it liked Spock's poise and dignity...and how gentle his hands were on the few occasions they touched me.

How could I have missed that I loved him? Honestly, I didn't miss it. I ignored it because I had believed I was more likely to survive a trip into a sun than to ever act on my love. I was so convinced that my mind found a way to hide my feelings from me even as they grew stronger.

As I stared into his eyes, I realized it was time to admit the truth to myself and to him.

But before I could get a word out, I found my eyes tearing from the force of my emotions.

Damnit, he was Vulcan. He wouldn't understand the tears.

So I wiped at them and tried to calm down. But Spock stopped my hand with a soft "No."

I watched with a sense of awe as his sensitive hand traced the trail of one tear down my cheek. Then his eyes met mine, and I gasped. In them, there was a fire. A fire that before, I had only seen when he looked at Jim.

I melted under that gaze, letting the feelings I just discovered show on my face. Then, going with the instinct that had me calling Spock over in the first place, I wrapped a hand around Jim's.

Because I needed to keep a physical connection with him as I kissed Spock with every ounce of my newly discovered feelings.

This time the kiss was right. It was hot, it was loving...it was us. I felt like I was drowning in him. If I was, I never wanted to surface for air.

As I pulled out of the kiss and looked at my two best friends, my eyes told them that this was what the bond needed.

We had a three way bond. The thing wanted all three of us together, for Pete's sake.

end part 3


	4. Chapter 4

All of a sudden, an odd urge overwhelmed me. I needed Spock and I needed him *now*! The feeling was so strong that it made me dizzy. So, before I fainted, I stood up from the couch, grabbed Spock and plastered myself to his body.

The relief was so quick that I nearly did pass out. Determined to not make a fool of myself, I held onto the Vulcan for dear life and soon the feeling faded. But then the hobgoblin had to get concerned. I growled as Spock tried to pull back a little. He probably wanted to make sure I was okay. But at that moment all I could think of was the fact that I needed him.

Spock made me so hot...too hot. I felt out of control--practically animalistic--as I ripped at his clothes. I had to have him! I bit at his neck until I tasted copper. At that, the Vulcan did shove me back and tilted my head up so he could figure out what was going on. Jim, too, appeared worried when I found him at my side.

As I watched their concerned faces, I began shivering rather violently from my arousal. So violently that Spock grabbed my shoulders to keep me upright. When I tried but couldn't stop the trembling, he pressed down lightly and encouraged me to sit back down on the couch.

"Whoa," Jim said softly, kneeling beside me. "Are you okay?"

I shook my head, my voice suddenly leaving me. How could I explain the urge that had overtaken me?

Oh, I knew where it came from. The revelations I just went through created it. My emotions were practically hanging off my face, and some of them did include admiration of Spock's fine form. But its intensity scared the hell out of me. And why the hell didn't that need include Jim? The bond wanted the three of us joined, didn't it?

But how could we join in the state that I was in? I couldn't stop the shuddered that rocked me, or the seemingly random thoughts that suddenly started bombarding me. Thoughts of Vulcan, the Enterprise, Jim, New Vulcan, Ambassador Sarek...I couldn't make them stop! I moaned as they began giving me a headache.

Ever practical, even while giving comfort, Spock kneeled on my other side and eased me back against the cushions of the couch. His hands gently but firmly held me there. "Do not resist it, Leonard."

I watched his dark eyes, pleading with me to do as he asked and not argue as I usually would. Then it dawned on me. The bond was completing itself. With wonder in my eyes, I grabbed his hand and clutched at it nervously. "I didn't expect pain. It didn't hurt like this when I reconnected to Jim."

"You had previous experience with Jim and understood his mind. Our minds, though compatible, must have time to find a comfortable way of connecting. Our disagreements make that somewhat difficult, but not impossible," Spock hastened to add. I wasn't surprised by his encouraging words, as I'm sure he could see worry creep over my face.

Then, as if they were waiting for Spock to speak, our minds were suddenly joined. I could feel his mind embrace mine with enthusiasm.

I gasped in shock. I didn't expect him to be that accepting of me. "Shh," my new bondmate murmured as he moved me so I could rest my head on the arm of the couch and put my feet up. "You must relax or it will fracture."

"What's going on?!" Jim asked worriedly. Looking over at him, I found him twisting his hands in an attempt to keep himself from interfering while Spock took care of me.

Damn. I forgot that we had basically been ignoring him for the last few minutes. To add to Jim's worry, Spock was shielding the new connection from him, presumably to keep it from being injured by unintentional stress. But when I opened my mouth to explain, no words would come out. So I looked helplessly at the Vulcan.

"The last connection is forming," Spock said softly as he watched me for signs of problems. As his thoughts came to me, pain shot through me again. But then his hand was at my forehead to ease it. "It is settling into place," he whispered. Jim grabbed my hand again and squeezed, giving what comfort he could.

"Why does it hurt so much?" I gasped as another wave of pain hit me.

"Because you still do not trust me," Spock sighed. Insulted, I glared at him, but even my disgruntled look couldn't erase that sad expression on his face.

I knew he was right, even though I didn't want to admit it. I didn't know how to even begin trusting him.

Luckily, there was a third that was not as thickheaded as we were--in this instance, at least. Jim shook his head. "Don't take it personally. Bones is used to pushing everyone away. It's not you, it's...habit, I guess."

It was Jim's turn to be glared at. What the hell was he telling Spock that for?! His comment was demeaning. He was telling Spock that I was so weak that I'd reject people so I didn't have to deal with my own problems.

But...he was right. I pushed people away because I didn't know how to get away from my past.

Spock raised his eyebrow at me when he felt my self-derision. He didn't like the idea of me beating up on myself. But we all knew that I couldn't continue the way I was, not when I was bonded to them. "Then perhaps I should attempt to change your habit," he suggested.

As he said that, there was a wildness in his eyes that scared me.

Now, I knew Spock would never hurt me...unless the bond was involved. He would do anything for the bond, or so I thought. But in the interest of harmony, I tried to hide my fear and my urge to run.

But my expression was a dead give-away. So I turned my head so he couldn't see my face.

Hiding is pretty damned useless when you're bonded, though, especially when there are no shields between you. When Spock realized I was avoiding him, he sent his sadness and worry to me. Then he promsed me that not even the bond could force him to cause me injury.

Once I accepted his pledge, at least for now, Spock turned my head so that I looked straight at him. "Every time you attempt to push me away, I will have to do this." Then, without warning, he kissed me gently.

Now I expected the fierce and demanding loving from these two. But this...this emotional caress just didn't fit with how I thought about Spock. It was too gentle, too kind. But just because the kiss was soft didn't mean it didn't turn me on. In fact, it was so arousing that I forgot about the pain.

Or it made the pain disappear. Ohh, relief.

I could feel the tension fade from the bond as I accepted his caress. Damn, he was right. The pain wasn't worth fighting him. So I kissed him back.

When I pulled back, I heard his voice in my head.

'Thank you, t'hy'la.' Spock sent to me through the delicate link growing between us.

I gasped softly, not expecting to be able to hear him so clearly. "Isn't that your name for Jim?" I asked aloud, not entirely sure how to use the bond to speak. I had never done it in all the years I had shared that link that Spock had discovered between Jim and me.

At least, I don't think I had ever spoken through it.

'I do not believe the link was capable of supporting verbal communication.' Spock sent to me with a small...chuckle? For Pete's sake, he was laughing at me! But though I wanted to appear disgruntled, I couldn't help but smile myself. Seeing him happy, not just content, was a balm to my soul.

I squeezed his hand in thanks, and to tell him I knew what he was implying: I was a lousy psychic. Which got me another small chuckle and a shake of his head. 'You are human. Human evolution did not include the organs needed for psychic communication. They developed in a rare few of your species. But the organs are usually anomalies, and rather weak and unadaptive. The abilities often caused more problems than they solved.'

When I nodded my agreement (one of my ancestors had been burned as a witch, or so Gran claimed), he turned to my other question. 'T'hy'la is not a name. It a term indicating a person who one wishes to be with; specifically, a good friend or lover. You are most definitely the former, and I am confident that you will also be the latter.'

I know I had to look like a frightened deer when he said that, even though I had known from the beginning that intimacy was part of the deal.

But although my feelings for him were strong, I hadn't really considered the thought of us being *lovers*, with an emotion as well as physical attachment. The idea made me nervous. Could we really be that to each other and not screw it up?

'Am I that disturbing to you, Leonard?' Spock raised his eyebrow when the turmoil showed on my face. 'Or am I merely so superior to yourself that you fear your love will be rejected?'

Why that green-blooded bastard! Who the hell was he calling superior?! Everyone knew humans were some of the best lovers in the universe. Next to Deltans, of course. And I wasn't *that* wounded. Just because Jocelyn had shaken me up didn't mean I couldn't learn to open up. It would just take time...

I watched as Spock's eyebrow got higher.

Damnit, he riled me up deliberately. He wanted me to fight my fears, and he started the process in the best way he knew how: he pissed me off.

I punched him in the arm in retaliation. I might have been in love with him, but that didn't mean our battles had ended.

Spock simply grabbed my fist and caressed it gently, as if he expected, and wanted, no less from me.

Jim just chuckled and shook his head at us. 'Only you two could end up squabbling when you should be wrapped up in each other. Come on, the bond wants more. And I want to watch. I know you two loving each other will be the hottest thing I've seen in weeks. So get on with it already!" He gave me a sharp, quick peck on the lips, then flopped back in the chair he had been sitting in earlier.

I grinned at Spock. "Maybe we shouldn't, just so he doesn't get a swelled head."

Spock shook his head, amusement leaking across the bond. "I'm afraid it is too late for that. We must accept him as he is, and make room for his inflated ego in our relationship."

"I suppose..." I teased. "But maybe watching us will help. Hell, I'm not falling under his spell right now, am I?"

I could feel Spock's surprise at my statement. Like me, he expected everyone to be taken to Jim first. So, to prove my point, I lifted my hand to his cheek. This set off a wave of arousal between us that would have bowled me over if I wasn't already laying on their couch.

This caused something extraordinary in Spock. Curiousity and worry warred in him as he watched me. But the most intense, as well as the most unexpected, was the arousal he was struggling to control.

"I can sense your feelings. You *have* feelings," I said, closing my eyes so I could bask in this strange gift. How could I cause such a reaction from him? I wasn't *trying* to seduce him.

"I am not intentionally drawing your attention to them, but since the bond is unshielded at the moment, you should have no difficulty recognizing them. If you concentrated, you would also be able to discern what Jim is feeling." Spock put his hand over the one I rested on his cheek, sharing my joy.

On a lark, I tried to spy into Jim's mind, and I found that yes, I could see his emotions. He was curious, aroused, and smug. Smug? I groaned. The idiot thought he was the one who made me see reason about being with them.

I couldn't help it. I just had to burst his bubble. "It's all the hobgoblin's fault, kid. You know how Spock kisses. How could I resist all that heat and expertise?"

I had to laugh when my best friend's face fell at my comment. But then I had to soften the blow, because I loved him. "Thank you for teaching him."

I winked at Jim before turning back to the Vulcan. Because Jim was right. The bond actually was pushing me towards Spock. It wanted to make sure the connection between us was solid before the three of us undertook anything together.

Luckily, neither of them seemed bothered by the bond's choice.

In fact, I could hear Jim moan as I reached under Spock's uniform to touch his hot skin. But more amazingly, I could feel Spock react. By his response, I might as well have been Don Juan himself.

I felt Spock become more aroused, more needy, as I curled my fingers into the soft hair on his chest. He became inflamed when I nipped at the fingers that traced my lips. My logical adversary broke down and lost control because *I* was caressing him.

'How can I not?' Spock moaned into my mind. 'I have had a physical need of you from the very day we met. Now that need is finally fulfilled.'

"From the start?" I looked up at him incredulously.

My lover inclined his head with a look of chagrin. "That was the reason our battles began. I found it an adequate way to relieve the tension and also connect with you."

"Then you fell in love with Jim." I sighed, remembering the anguish that had caused me.

Spock nodded. "I believed I had made a good choice by marrying Jim, as I had never felt such emotion with you. But I was incorrect as to why my feelings for you were not as strong. It was not because I did not love you. It was because I had allowed our battles to hide the feeling."

"Seems to be a repeating theme among us," Jim said softly. "It's about time it stopped."

"Yeah," I agreed as I went back to the task before me and slowly stripped Spock of his clothes. "Time to make an alliance, a..." I couldn't find the word I wanted.

"Union," Spock suggested. "Plathau."

I nodded, but I didn't ask for further explanation. Now wasn't the time for a lesson in the Vulcan language. Now was the time to make that union a reality.

So I yanked off my own clothes and did my best to put my anatomical expertise to use.

Sensitive hands were caressed and kissed. Sensitive ears were traced with a gentle fingertip. And of course, there was the move that made him groan and arch against me: my cool skin meeting his in a study of contrasts. It didn't take long before we were both shivering in pleasure.

But that wasn't enough for Spock. He didn't like the way I was going about my task. I was so busy worrying about getting it right that I forgot to enjoy it. Isn't it ironic that the logical Vulcan chose to remind me of that fact?

"I do not wish to know your skill, Leonard. Not if it interferes with us truly joining," Spock half-growled as he straddled my hips. "I am not your former wife. I do not need perfection from you."

I raised my eyebrow at this. "Coming from you, that almost sounds like a contradiction. But given the circumstances, I'll bite. What do you need?"

"To touch your soul," Spock whispered right before he took my mouth in a bruising kiss. In my head, I felt what I could only call a mental caress. I gasped as the pleasure flashed through me and made me tremble. Hell, I nearly came from that alone.

"That outcome would be acceptable." Spock gave me his non-smile as he examined my face. "However, I believe it would be more pleasurable for you if I took you within me."

I had to clamp down on my arousal again before I exploded. Once I did, I could choke out a "Yes, please."

My reaction caused a genuine smile, albeit a small one, to break out on Spock's face. Then, before I could do anything about it, either helpful or otherwise, he grabbed my cock and impaled himself on it.

My gasp echoed through the room and of our minds. I felt Jim chuckle as I gritted my teeth, trying to hold on and not ruin this by coming before we got started. 'He does know how to get your attention, doesn't he?' I heard in my head.

I grumbled in Jim's direction, then gasped again as Spock started moving on me.

Even though we were on the couch, not the best place for sex, Spock was able to establish a smooth, easy rhythm that took about two seconds to start driving me out of my mind.

And I let it. What else could I do, with his mind and body surrounding me, enfolding me in his love?

It didn't take long for me to come. I guess I was lucky to hold on at all. But when it hit me, damn, it felt like it rocked the very universe with pleasure.

And the aftermath was even better. Because I looked up into another one of Spock's secret smiles, and Jim came over and kissed me, making sure I was surrounded by love until sleep pulled me under.

end part 4


	5. Chapter 5

Now most people would consider that the end of it. All there was left to do was make it official and live happily ever after, right?

Life with my two bondmates had never been that easy. Why would it start now?

Of course, it would have been easier if the problem had been obvious. It wasn't what you'd expect. No, I didn't resist their presence within me. They bashed me over the head with enough love that I got the point. Spock? No, he didn't hide his feelings from us. By then, he had already been around us enough to know that we needed reassurance, even if it was just a caress in our minds.

This time it was *Jim* who was the culprit. Of course, Captain James T. Kirk never did anything halfway. He was such an idiot that he ended up treating us as if we were his stepfather. Hiding your real feelings from a guy who didn't give a shit was probably a good idea. It saved you grief in the long run. But hiding them from your caring spouses? That was just inviting trouble.

To make matters worse, I'm sure that if he hadn't taken that vow, none of this would have happened in the first place. The bond was responding to his choices and his hidden feelings when it pushed him away from us. But none of us knew it at the time.

To be honest, though, the whole situation seemed reasonable when it started...

When I woke the morning after that first time with Spock, I was surprised to find myself in their bed. Damn, I thought, I must have been out like a light after that mindblowing orgasm. Because normally, I would have remembered being dragged, or, knowing the Vulcan, carried.

The change of venue was confusing enough. But when I turned my head, the vision before me positively baffled me.

Spock was laying next to me, gazing at me thoughtfully. He was relaxed, with touseled hair and propped up on his arm. But even in his casual state, those intense Vulcan eyes were examining me as I held the secrets to the universe.

Since when was I so interesting?

I knew he heard that through the bond, so I waited for him to tell me that it wasn't me, that he was examining the blanket covering me. But after a few minutes, not hearing a reply in my head, I began to get nervous.

So I turned to my usual course of action when I was with him. I shot off my mouth.

"So, do you regret last night enough to throw me out before breakfast, or can it wait until after?" I asked gruffly, trying to hide my fears.

Spock, in true hobgoblin fashion, reassured me, but chose the long route to get there. "If you will cease your illogical prattle, you can practice your psychic skills by looking within and concentrating on the bond for a moment. Your physical needs will be met momentarily, but if you depart afterwards, it will be of your own inclination, not mine."

Translated from Spock-speak, that was 'Shut up and listen, and quit your bellyaching.'

But he was only half-serious. Even after our sharp exchange, the Vulcan was still looking at me with those curious eyes. And I wanted to know why. So, I followed his advice and closed my eyes.

It was then that I felt Spock's soothing touch in my mind.

Instead of the intense feeling of love that characterized last night's caress, this one was like a gentle breeze. It was like the soft winds that stir the tall grasses in summer, but only help you fall asleep if you're lying in a hammock.

That mental touch calmed me, loosened my panic's hold on me. So much so that without thinking, I reached out to grab his hand.

Normally, I wouldn't even think of doing such a thing. Although I had been plastered to Spock's body the night before, in the light of day (even though it was a faux incandescent diode), it seemed too intimate for a Vulcan. But, then, so was his caress. So I took a chance and let my hand find his.

I was glad I did. Because almost instantly, I could feel Spock's joy and contentment.

We laid like that, me caressing his hand and him caressing my mind for what felt like a lazy Sunday afternoon, but was probably more like fifteen minutes.

Then Jim approached us. I smiled up at him, wanting him to share the gentle rapture that flowed between Spock and me.

But before he could get to the edge of the bed, I could feel the resistance in the bond.

What the hell? The thing still wouldn't let Jim join in the fun? Something in me suddenly quaked in fear. This could ruin what we were creating. But I pushed the feeling down. I was overreacting...wasn't I?

My bondmates didn't seem terribly concerned. Jim looked a bit put-out as Spock tried to soothe us both. But after a moment, Jim took the bond's action in stride. "It's still not ready for me, huh?"

"Guess not," I said softly, worriedly. I looked to Spock, but he shook his head. He didn't know what the problem was either.

I sat up and reached out to Jim, wanting to see if I could get around the connection's sepraration. But he just waved me away. "I guess whatever is growing between you two needs more time to settle. I'll just end up being celibate for a little while longer, that's all." He laughed humorlessly. "Don't worry, I'm not ready to go off the deep end yet." Although his strained smile did all kinds of things to me, giving me reassurance was not one of them.

I groaned. "Isn't there anything we can do?"

'Bonds are fickle,' Spock said into my mind, possible so he didn't upset Jim, who was also blocked from mental communication. 'Much like love itself. If it is in need of something, it will respond to the need by being uncooperative. Such reactions usually lead to mates jointly working toward a solution. When all is resolved, it will return to normal.'

I sighed. 'Then it should tell us what needs to be resolved! The damned thing's not motivating us. It's leading us around like we're puppets!'

"It is attempting to achieve balance," Spock corrected me out loud so Jim could hear.

But I was in no mood for a lesson in Vulcan parapsychology. "Balance? It feels more like a lopsided seesaw right now," I grumbled.

"Give it time," Jim advised as he got breakfast for all of us. I should have been suspicious then. He looked way too calm for a man who was just locked out of his spouses' heads.

But Spock's argument was a logical one. He and I did relate differently than Jim did to either of us. It was conceivable that the bond needed to concentrate on us for awhile.

That didn't mean I was happy about it. "You're the one who will suffer the most, Jim. Don't tell me that doesn't bother you."

Jim shrugged. "It's what we need. I'll be okay."

Then he changed the subject as we sat down to eat. That's the last discussion we had about it until it almost came crashing down on us. Because the kid hid the real problem from both of us.

We had nobody to blame but ourselves, though. We were the ones who knew Jim best. He told us his deepest, darkest secrets. So the shielding between him and us should have been a huge sign of trouble.

But we ignored it because we thought the bond's actions were about us instead of him.

Now, we did what we could to keep him healthy. We did give Jim what the bond allowed. We gave him casual touches, the type married people exchanged every day without thinking. We sent him feelings through the bond, on the occasions it would allow them.

We made sure he watched us when we made love so he could feel like he was a part of us in some way.

The bond wouldn't let him get close enough to touch us when we had sex, but we made sure he felt every touch and emotion through the bond, for then it opened up a little. Spock nd I desperately wanted him to be part of our loving. But none of us could figure out why he couldn't.

Luckily, watching us provided him some sexual release, since he seemed determined to ignore his hand. But this went on for two months and it wore on us all. He wasn't the only one suffering by that point.

We started snapping at each other. Yeah, Spock and I always snapped at each other a bit, but it started to get worse again, just like when I was denying what was right in front of my face. And snapping at Jim wasn't my usual reaction. But more and more, what had been a tolerant look and rolling my eyes at his antics, now turned into orders to get out of my sickbay before I threw him out.

The bond was getting sick, but we didn't know it. It had the disease of 'imbalance' and because we didn't recognize the signs, we did nothing.

Until those signs became obvious even to the ignorant.

It started simply enough. Jim ordered Spock to help me take inventory of the medical supplies we were to deliver to Bajor. The had had an outbreak of Rigellian fever on the planet, so we were going there to provide support for their strained medical facilities.

Spock and I enjoyed the time to ourselves, as we were the only ones allowed to touch the precious vials. We got a chance to resume sniping at each other just for the fun of it. We had stopped doing it in our cabin because it was beginning to annoy Jim. Neither of us wanted to make him uncomfortable when he already felt a bit like an outcast.

Now, he's seen us argue practically since the day we met, so I did get a little concerned at his request. But Spock assured me that it was just the stress of being separated from us for so long. Once the bond allowed us to all resume our lives as we chose, Jim would be fine, or so Spock claimed.

Vulcans aren't often wrong. They check their facts too thoroughly to make the stupid mistakes we humans do. But when the facts are hidden from you, and all you have is conjecture, well, being *spectacularly* wrong is even possible for the most logical beings in the galaxy.

We found that out when Jim called Spock to Conference Room 3 a few hours into our inventory.

Spock and I exchanged a frustrated glance when we heard Jim. The strain in him was becoming obvious. It was so bad that the crew was beginning to suspect something was wrong.

So my loving adversary brushed a finger over the back of my hand in a parting caress and went to see what the captain, or our bondmate, needed.

Because I wanted to check on Jim without agitating him with my scanners, Spock agreed to leave his shield down. I could close my eyes and the Vulcan would send me all the sights and sounds of his conversation through the bond.

So the minute Spock arrived in the conference room, I sat in a corner of the cargo bay and looked within.

That's when I realized there was something seriously wrong with Jim.

"What the hell were you two doing in the cargo bay that long, huh? You were having sex with him without me, weren't you?" Jim blasted Spock as soon as he entered the conference room.

"No, Jim, I was not," Spock said calmly. "You requested that we finish the inventory of the medical supplies. As there is enough for fifty million people, it took a considerable amount of time, even at our most efficient."

But the captain chose to ignore his explanation. At that, warning bells started ringing in my head. But I could only listen as he exclaimed, "How could you? You know what this has been like for me. For God's sake, I've barely touched either of you in two months!"

I felt Spock startle. Through his eyes, I could see that Jim was most definitely beginning to lose it. He looked haggard, tired, and Spock told me that there seemed to be a sense of paranoia in his eyes. I could believe it.

The bond and its demands were beginning to take its toll on our mate.

I couldn't stay still any longer. We needed to help him. So I grabbed the medkit I had brought down to the cargo bay in case of emergency and ran to the conference room, telling Spock to try to keep Jim calm until I got there.

While I was making my way up the saucer section, Spock was attempting to get around the shield between him and Jim. Up until now, we had assumed that the shields separating us from Jim were the bond's attempt to keep him out of the way while we worked on our own link.

But when Jim hurt Spock with a punch to the Vulcan's heart, we realized that we had screwed up. Badly. The shields weren't meant to keep him away from us. They were meant to keep *us* away from *him*.

The minute I walked into the room, I pulled Spock aside and after checking his side, stared at him worriedly. 'He's hiding something.' I growled into his head. 'Something big.'

'Most likely he is attempting to conceal his sexual frustration.' Spock countered logically.

I shook my head. 'It's more than that, and don't say paranoia, 'cause my gut is saying it's not that either. This isn't his frustration. This is bigger, and has been going on a lot longer. I can see it in the lines on his face.'

We both glanced at our bondmate. True to my word, the strain looked like it was carved in the lines of his forehead and the frown gracing his lips.

But although I discounted paranoia as the cause of Jim's difficulties, there were definutely shades of it possessing our mate. He was glaring at us as if he thought we were discussing how to keep him away from us for the next ten years.

Then Spock brought me back to our conversation with the question on both of our minds. 'What do you suggest we do to find the answer? He is shielding and at the moment, does not appear inclined to raise it.'

'Can't you break it down?' I glared at the Vulcan. He was the strongest of us. Although he had told us that disturbing a mental shield was considered quite rude in Vulcan society, we needed to see what Jim was hiding on the other side before he hurt us or himself. Serious actions needed to be taken and ettiquette be damned.

'He has continually found ways of thwarting my attempts.' Spock sighed. I could hear the exasperation come through the bond. He knew how serious this was, but he was out of ideas as to what to do. With Jim being unreasonable, the next step might have to be restraining him, and neither of us wanted to do that.

So it was my turn to try something. I sighed and nodded. 'I'll talk to him, then.'

I went over to where Jim was seated at the conference table. He grimaced up at me as I pulled a scanner out of my kit to check his vitals.

"Hey," I whispered softly. "What's going on? Is this enforced separation getting to be too much for you?"

Jim shook his head. "You guys need time to figure things out. I'll be fine."

I tried to break it to him gently. "No, Jim, you're not fine. You're getting paranoid and unreasonable again. I can see it, Spock can see it. Hell, the rest of the crew can see it. Come on, let's go to our cabin and see if we can convince the bond that it's time to let this thing between us become what it really is."

"But you need more time," Jim insisted.

I shook my head. "We have things worked out. Hell I think we worked things out the best we could about a month ago." I paused and studied his face. Yeah, it was about a month ago that Spock and I had worked out the basics of how to relate to each other, with a delicate balance of love and animosity. Hey, it works for us.

But this was getting very suspicious. Jim was lying. I could see it in his eyes. So I tried another tactic. "Do *you* need more time?"

Me? Time for what?" he asked a little too quickly.

"I don't know. To adjust to me being with you like this?" I shrugged. Hell, it was disconcerting to Spock, and if it bothered the calmest of us, I'm sure it had to bother Jim at times.

When he shrank into his chair, I knew I was onto something, so I went further. "This is all happening so fast. I know it takes time to adjust. You don't need to be strong in front of us. We're your husbands, for Pete's sake!"

Jim just shook his head, apparently not wanting to talk about it. But this had to end. He was in pain, I could see it.

So I did what Spock couldn't. I pushed on the shield. This time he didn't resist. Whether it was because my human skills were different that Spock's Vulcan ones or because Jim was afraid I'd get hurt if he did, well, I don't know. All I know is that it worked. I pushed gently, not wanting to hurt Jim, but knowing if whatever was behind it was causing his frustration, we had to get rid of it.

Slowly, from my pressure, the shield began to give way. Now I could feel Jim resisting me, trying to hide whatever the barrier was covering. I did my best to soothe him, to tell him that it was okay. Whatever he was keeping from us, we would deal with it.

Knowing how necessary this was, Spock lent me his psychic strength so I could overwhelm the shield. Finally, it snapped it two and freed the thoughts and feelings behind it to flow into the bond.

A minute later, I was startled to find myself floored by a huge wave of fear.

end part 5


	6. Chapter 6

That flooring was more than just metaphorical. Spock had to grab my arm to keep me from falling. As he steadied me, I could feel his worry. It was bad enough that Jim was hurting. He didn't want me in pain too.

But I couldn't just tell him that I was okay. Because I wasn't. In fact, I was in so much pain that all I could do was stare at Jim in shock. "For God's sake, man, don't you trust us?" I exclaimed after a minute.

In those words was a wealth of hurt. I was his best friend, for God's sake, and now his...spouse. How could he not tell me how he was feeling? How could he not tell either of us?

I glared at him, covering my pain with anger.

Then Jim had that deer in the lights look that I was sporting earlier. He was silent, afraid to say a word.

I sighed. I couldn't blame him. Part of me knew this wasn't about me. It wasn't about Spock. It was about how life had been so fucking unfair to Jim for the majority of his life.

So I took a deep breath to calm down, then before Spock could start digging around in Jim's head, I decided Jim needed a gentle push. "What's got you spooked? Am I that scary?" I put a smile in my voice, hoping to calm him and keep him here. Because he looked like he was ready to bolt for the door.

Now I knew how they had felt when I was on the run. It was a jittery, panicked sensation. It made you want to clutch the person in question to your chest and never let go.

As I watched, Jim started shivering, but otherwise he didn't respond. The bond was quiet as Spock and I waited for any sign of acceptance or rejection, but there was nothing.

"Damnit, man," I grumbled, pulling up a chair next to him. "Snap out of it. We're not going to hurt you."

Finally, Jim seemed to wake up and responded to us with a shake of his head. "It's not you, it's me," he whispered, his eyes downcast.

"You?" I exclaimed worriedly. In my gut, I knew what he was referring to. But he had never let his past beat him to the ground before. Why now?

Because his relationships were the one thing Jim Kirk couldn't bluff his way through. And that fact scared him to death.

Spock had been letting me handle it up to this point. Although he was officially married to Jim, I had been friends with him longer and knew how to handle his moods better. But as Jim broke down and finally let us in, Spock came closer to us to listen and support both of us.

"I screwed it up before...and now the bond's telling me..." Jim's shivering became violent as he tried to keep his thoughts hidden. But the bond was now straining against him instead of helping him, and his thoughts were leaking through his shield. We no longer felt comfortable letting him be and our connection responded accordingly.

I, for one, had had enough. Jim had let us all suffer rather than let us help him face his past. It was Jim's fears that were controlling all this and it was time they stopped.

"What are you so scared of?" I whispered as I took his hands tightly in mine. Letting him know I wanted to help, and that I was not about to let him say 'no'.

He got the message. With a sigh, my friend and love started talking. "I could ruin that connection that has grown between you and Spock," Jim said, his eyes downcast. "You two just seemed to...magically fit together when your part of the bond connected."

"That's exactly how it looked to me when you married Spock," I whispered back, empathizing with his feelings. "You two looked so perfect together."

Jim raised his head in shock. "It wasn't perfect. We argued practically from the first day."

"I agree. Our bond was not perfect," Spock said softly, speaking for the first time since Jim's shield broke. "And neither is my connection with Leonard."

Spock always did choose his words carefully, and this time was no exception. He, too, made it clear to Jim that he wasn't letting Jim evade us again. When he got that stubborn stiff back stance, you knew he was as immovable as a damned mountain.

Jim, however, was not at his most observant. "But..." he protested.

Enough already! I grabbed at Jim's's shoulders to shake him. This time, the bond did try to push me back. Damn. Jim was feeling threatened.

I took a deep breath. The only way to get through to him when he was like this was to slap some sense into him. Figuratively. A literal slap would get my hand broken by him, or the Vulcan who was now guarding us both obsessively.

"Stop it!" I growled at Jim. "This isn't a two-way bond, so quit acting like we want you to leave."

"I'm not--" he argued. I could practically hear the wheels in his head turning. He was sure he was right to back away.

It was my job to convince him he had lost that brilliant but unconventional mind of his. "You are. We want you right where you are. If you leave, expect to be chased until the end of your days."

"I just can't disturb what you have with Spock." Jim shook his head.

Annoyed at the kid, I looked at Spock and told him through our part of the bond that we had to break this stalemate, or Jim would stay at arm's length forever. He was that stubborn and we both knew it.

'We are indeed agreed in that regard,' Spock sent back to me, amused despite the gravity of the situation. 'What do you propose?'

'Lock the door, then be prepared to yank us apart and unlock the door in a hurry if my plan works,' I told Spock cryptically.

But Spock must have learned a lot about my mind in the past two months. He knew in an instant that I had seduction on my mind. So he suggested, 'Would it not be better to go back to our cabin first?'

'And have him put his guard back up completely? No. Trust me.' I ran my hand down the Vulcan's arm and was happy to feel him relax slightly.

'I trust you. With my life...and Jim's.' Spock's hand covered mine and squeezed gently.

I nodded, with my eyes tearing slightly. I was such a sap for both of them. It was a good thing, too, or I'd have let Jim screw this up. If I hadn't been so enamored of both of them, I would have let Jim back away and would have missed something wonderful.

Hell, even I knew our bond wasn't perfect, but it was ours. And we deserved a chance to make it right for all of us.

So I grabbed Jim's head and kissed him with all the finesse I could muster. I ignored the warning bells and the pain the bond was shooting at me as my mental self ended up bouncing against Jim's shield.

I also had to ignore Jim trying to push me away in the physical world. That was hard, as I needed to keep a firm grip on him. In the end, I knew I'd have to heal some bruises the next day. I didn't want to hurt him, but I knew trying to talk him through this was useless. I needed to show him.

*We* needed to show him.

I knew instinctively that Spock was doing his part. But in my state of concentration on Jim, all I could tell was that Spock was talking into the comm on the desk. In the next instant, though, anything he was saying became white noise as I felt Jim started to give in to me. He put his arms around me with a soft moan.

Then Spock was there, guiding us, moving us. I shivered as he touched me, but didn't break my liplock with Jim. I knew Spock wanted me to continue. He found it necessary...and arousing.

I dimly felt Jim stand and could hear Spock slide up against his back. Then something made me tingle all over...and we were in our cabin.

'Bastard,' I sent along the bond, chuckling in my head as I realized what he had done.

'It was the most expedient option, and as Mr. Scott finds it much easier to do a site-to-site transport within a spaceship rather than between it and a planet, I decided our situation warranted his expertise.' Spock sent his amusement back at me. That must have been some conversation that I tuned out.

'I'm not complaining,' I sent as I broke the kiss and gazed into Jim's lust-filled eyes. 'But next time, warn me.'

But even as I scolded Spock, my focus was still mostly on Jim. I caressed his face gently. "Shh, I have you," I whispered, trying to soothe his fears and keep his arousal up at the same time.

Just then, Jim seemed to gain some of his faculties. Some of his logic finally kicked in, and he started to realize what was going on. "You...want me?"

Stifling another urge to slap some sense into him, I growled, "Of course we do. Isn't this what all of this was about, the *three* of us?"

"I never thought that it would really happen---" In that moment, I saw the little boy he had told me about once, the boy who got berated by his stepfather for everything he did and told he'd never amount to anything.

God, I hated fighting that man as much as I knew Jim hated fighting Jocelyn. Well, he won the war with my ex-wife. It was time for me to bring out the big guns and put this war to rest too.

"The list of things Frank Conners said you'd never do just got torn to shreds, if it survived your warpspeed promotions and you successfully saving the galaxy. You now have not one, but two beings who love you enough to 'put up with your shit', as that bastard so colorfully put it. In fact, we don't want you to change. Your 'shit' has kept us alive, among other things." I smiled, then kissed Jim softly.

As I was giving Conners the mental boot to the rear, Spock kissed Jim's neck and whispered, "Indeed. This relationship is not complete without you. Your stepfather could not comprehend the ways we need you. Even I cannot. I surmise that we have not discovered many of them yet."

To make sure Jim got the point, we bombarded his shield gently with memories. From Spock there were remembrances of chess games, arguments that ended with a quirked eyebrow and a laugh, and a human hand on a Vulcan shoulder--where only two people's hands are allowed to be and are joyously received. From me came the times I raged over Jocelyn to him, the times we got drunk together so I wouldn't feel bad about spouting my problems, and the arousal I hid every time we ended up in the Academy pool.

That last one shocked him. I guess I had hid it better than I had thought at the time.

But I just rolled my eyes. "*Everyone* finds your body attractive, Jim. We just happen to be in love with your mind too."

"We realize that there are very few who are allowed to see it in its true form. We are honored you trust us to see both your briliance and your doubts." I watched as Spock ran his hands down Jim's chest and Jim arched into the touch. The sight made me moan.

Hell, Spock could play both of us like we were that damned harp-thing of his. I was hard in an instant and I was only watching.

But it was what happened next that blew me away.

Jim opened his eyes, and staring right at me with those intense blue eyes of his, let down the shields isolating him in the bond. His emotions flowed freely. Spock and I accepted them gratefully, the good and the bad.

The fear wasn't gone, but it was definitely lessened. Now, the overwhelming feeling in him was awe. He had not only managed to snag the most gorgeous Vulcan in the galaxy, with the biggest brain and the best personality he had ever seen in the logical beings. No, he had also snagged his best friend, the man he couldn't do without. His gorgeous, compassionate, loving best friend.

"Remind me to give you a psych scan when we're done," I murmured, embarrassed by his flattering thoughts.

Jim just laughed softly and held out his hand. He knew now how stupid he had been, and in true Kirk fashion, apologized and changed course. That part of our lives was over. He was ready to accept whatever the bond threw at him because we would all do it together.

I smiled and took his hand, squeezing it gently before leaning in further for a kiss. His easygoing nature was infectious. So how could I not forgive him for the aggravation of the last two months? He loved us. That was all that mattered.

I wasn't the only one who forgave Jim everything. When we pulled back, I found Spock watching us with a gentleness in his eyes. He also sent Jim his forgiveness, so I moved so I could kiss him too. Then I watched avidly as Jim and Spock locked lips.

As I took in that impressive view, I felt the bond shift between us, as if it needed to align itself. It seemed to grow and shrink in different spots as the kiss continued to heat up. Then, as they broke apart, it seemed to settle. In my mind's eye, I now saw a perfect equilateral triangle that seemed to be shrinking as I watched.

The whole thing startled me. I didn't expect the damned thing to be adjustable. It puzzled me so much that my reaction made my mates break apart and engulf me in a hug. "It's okay," Jim soothed, running his hands over my shoulders.

"The bond is merely compensating to achieve the physical and mental closeness we desire," Spock explained as I felt his cheek slide comfortingly along my hair.

"And that we all want to be equal here and now," Jim whispered, giving me that gentle smile that meant he was sincere. No acting, no artifice, just him.

By now, the bond had finished its adjustment. It was beautiful. It practically glowed from each link. Flowing with the feelings from each of us, it was like I was looking at a constant, self-contained stream of love.

"Okay, enough admiring our creation. Let's add to it," Jim murmured, yanking me back to physical reality. "It is gorgeous, I'll admit. But it's even more impressive when making love. With the three of us..."

Yeah, in the next instant, I began to see his point. When he kissed me, I nearly fainted from the pleasure the bond was giving me. And that was before Spock decided he needed to undress me and run his sensitive hands over every inch of my skin.

When I came down from that high (at least slightly), I noticed they had stripped while I was busy examining our connection. It made me sigh contentedly. They knew me so well, They had indulged my need to make sure everything was okay before I lost my head. Hell, it was a given that I was going to lose my head.

My bondmates didn't disappoint me.

Jim lead me to bed, a bed I had been sharing with Spock since Jim had isolated himself. I had felt rather uncomfortable doing it because I had believed I had pushed Jim out of his place in it.

That was no longer the case. We came together in that bed as if we had been doing it for years instead of for the first time. The bond made it so goddamn easy. *Now* I knew what Spock's ramblings about balance were all about.

Because, as strange as it was, I was able to split my attention equally between the two of them almost constantly. When I kissed Jim, my mind was in contact with Spock. When I learned more of that enticing green flesh of Spock's, my essence cradled Jim's...or he held mine.

The beginning for us was all about exploring. It was a long, slow exploration of each other's bodies and minds. We were so focused, so entranced with each other, that Jim and I protested loudly when Spock pulled us apart after awhile so we could eat something. Our stomachs were growling loud enough to be heard across the room, but we didn't care. Neither did we care that we hadn't orgasmed once, not in four hours.

Of course, we rectified that after we had dinner.

Once we filled our stomachs, our questing hands and minds became agents of pleasure. Spock used his knowledge of both of us to take us to the brink--simultaneously. Then with a wicked grin and a well-placed hand, Jim tipped me right over it. Of course, I had to take him along for the ride with a 'flick' of my mind.

I had to laugh. He was shocked to find that I knew how to use the bond for pleasure. He must have forgotten that I had just spent two months under Spock's tutelage. Hell, Jim wasn't the only quick learner among us.

Nor was the Vulcan long without joining us on the other side of pleasure. Spock didn't expect us to double-team him about two seconds after we recovered. That shocked look of his was the second best thing I saw on his face that night. It was only beaten by the soft smile he graced us with after he recovered his faculties from a mindbending orgasm (which he nearly fainted from, I am proud to say) to find himself sandwiched tightly between us.

Life might not be fair, but if you play your cards right, you can end up with the winning hand.

Once we had all sorted out our problems, our life together just kept getting better. We were happy together in our cabin. We were content to be around each other while on duty. But it wasn't until about two weeks later that I knew we had hit the jackpot.

We had made a stop at Spacedock to meet with a few admirals about a 'sensitive issue'. Hell, we had been ordered home, and not even Jim knew why. But we suspected that we were going to catch hell for getting involved in a relationship that we could not have possibly stopped.

But we were looking in the wrong place for our explanation. We should have been watching Uhura. Jim said afterwards that she seemed a little shifty.

We didn't know how shifty until Admiral Pike called us into a conference room almost immediately after we docked. A very oddly decorated conference room.

First, it was dark instead of brightly lit with the industrial LEDs Starfleet is so fond of. Then, when a movement out of the corner of my eye made me look up, I found that braided cloths were draped from the ceiling, all in the same shades of gold, sapphire and emerald. Spock and Jim followed my gaze and gasped softly.

As we stared up, Spock took each of our hands. I think when he saw those braids, he knew what was going on, because he called out softly, "Kun-ut kalifarr."

In the shadows, a female voice called back in Vulcan. The only word I understood was plathau, union. Then she translated. "We have come seeking you who have created a union. Is the bond complete?"

"Yes." Jim said softly. There was a confidence in his voice that I didn't expect. But he had done this before. I didn't remember the ceremony for the two of them starting this way but I had been so lost in my grief that I wouldn't have noticed if a starship had crossed my path. So, because I had no idea what was expected of me, I kept my mouth shut.

Jim squeezed my hand. 'You'll know when it's your turn to speak,' he sent to me.

"Then let this be your place of commitment," said a voice I vaguely recognized. It was human, southern. Damn, the guy sounded like he was from the Florida panhandle. That sense got even stronger as he continued, "For your family has requested evidence that the bond is true."

"And let this be your place of celebration." This voice I did know. What was Admiral Archer doing here? Spock answered me as I formed the thought. He, Tucker (the Floridian) and T'Pol were Y'Eros as well, and they came as friends. "For your friends wish to share your joy."

As he finished speaking, Archer and his bondmates came out of the shadows, followed by Ambassador Sarek and an older woman. "T'Pau," Jim whispered as she headed straight for us. "Spock's grandmother. They say she took on the Vulcan High Council and won."

T'Pau came straight to me. "Is thy bond true?" She asked softly and placed her palm on my forehead.

I shivered slightly when her presence skimmed along the bond, but Jim and Spock held me steady and calmed me with their minds.

"Thee art t'hy'la," she said with a nod. Then she said a long, complicated word in Vulcan that I couldn't repeat even if I was drunk.

Tucker chuckled at the face I made. "Why do you think I changed it to Y'Eros?" he whispered.

Then I knew it was my turn to speak. Luckily, Vulcan marriages don't ask for much in the way of speeches. So I summed it all up by saying, "We are three. And we are one."

Then I saw Archer smile and nod his head at Spock. Spock inclined his head in response.

'Want to tell me what that's about?' I sent through the bond.

'The admiral advised me in our time of crisis.' But he wouldn't say any more about it, even though Jim and I both raised our eyebrows curiously.

Just then, T'Pau turned to where some murmuring voices were coming from and addressed them in Vulcan. That must have been the presentation of the newly married persons. Because right after that, Admiral Tucker yelled, "Let's get this party started!"

With happy shouts in return, about half of the Enterprise crew filed into the conference room. As we watched, amazed, the walls retracted, and we could see other conference rooms where food was laid out, presents were stacked, and a cake was waiting for us.

The gig was up. Jim and I swore as we realized our crew had set us up. Spock, on the other hand, just looked pleased that his mates were honored in such a way.

Before everyone started enjoying themselves, Uhura came over with a smile. "The last ceremony was so Vulcan that we felt it was time to combine traditions. So now that the Vulcan formality is out of the way, would you care to join us?"

I laughed. "I've never been to a surprise wedding before."

Jim smirked and pulled me and Spock to him so we could all share a kiss. "I think it's fitting, considering we got the best surprise of our lives at the last wedding."

I nodded and laid a hand on each of their cheeks. "Out of my deepest pain, watching the two of you marry, came my deepest joy. The two of you gave me love again and let me love again. Thank you."

Spock smiled through the bond. "One does not thank logic, Leonard. It was only logical that we would be together."

"Yeah," Jim said softly. "We have been balancing each other since the day we met. I never want to feel as out of control as I did the day you almost left. I had Spock, but I felt like I had cut off my left arm at the same time."

"You, Leonard, are the emotions I never thought I wanted, then found I could not live without," Spock added.

The bond shone for a moment as we embraced silently and shared the feelings that words could not adequately convey.

Then Jim pulled on our hands. "Let's celebrate. If we're nice to Uhura, maybe she'll let us sneak away after a bit. As much as I love these guys, well, they're no match for the two of you."

I chuckled. As I watched my mates, I realized what they meant when they said we balanced each other. Because we were together, a man gained the security and love he had never had as a child. Because we were together, a logical being embraced his emotional side. And me?

Well, let's just say my luck has changed for the better. And it's all because I'm caught between an infuriatingly logical Vulcan who's quick to tell me how much he 'hates' me and a smart-mouthed kid who doesn't know when to quit.

Of course, there's no place I'd rather be.

end part 6 and story


End file.
